Most of us have been brought up in a stereotypical Indian society where
women are said to stay in the kitchen or where talking about your feelings or crying
makes you less masculine, because it shows that you‟re weak. We have never
been taught to be our self or love who we are, instead, we are always told to
change ourselves so that others love us. We are told to shift and change to fit
the eyes of society. Society is a place that is filled with more
judgments than people themselves. I‟m sure we all have come across at least
one aunty in every Indian wedding passing judgment‟s like there‟s no tomorrow.
There‟s always the “omg you have gained weight” or the “oh you’re in 10th
what‟s your percentage? And the oh so classic “Sharma Ji‟s son got 95%” type of
comments.
Through this blog, I‟d like to throw some light on some of the different kinds of
toxicity that hides within the people around us and our society.
Before we start talking about the toxicity in our society let‟s talk about the
toxicity within people themselves, I am sure that most of us have experienced
being friends or even meeting a toxic person and I‟m also sure none of us have
been taught to identify or even deal with toxic people.
To be honest, coping with toxic people has never been my specialty. I have
dealt with some toxicity in my life to know when it‟s best to cut ties. (Snip, snip!)
But we all have toxic people in our lives that can‟t be avoided, whether it is a
sibling or a friend you just can‟t stand. A quote about toxic people from the Dalai
Lama comes to mind, “Let go of negative people. They only show up to share
complaints, problems, disastrous stories, fear, and judgment on others. If
somebody is looking for a bin to throw all their trash into, make sure it‟s not in
your mind.” If the Dalai Lama is dusting toxicity off his shoulders, should‟t you?
Cutting out negativity from your life even if you can‟t cut out the person does‟t
make you a bad person, it means you‟revaluing your mental and emotional
well-being and practicing true self-care. If any of you have ever been or is
currently having a friendship where it‟s always about them and where you get
no importance whatsoever and is treated like an object to whom they can rant
to or even the fact that they don‟t care about your mental or personal well-
being is a major indication of how toxic that person is. Such people not only
have a huge effect on your mental health but also create a lot of stress along
with emotional and physical pain.
NOW coming to the TOXIC concepts of our “SOCIETY”
The concept of white is better :
I remember watching a fair and lovely ad at a very young age and thinking
how a darker shade of complexion was considered bad, they always
portrayed the girl as an ugly duckling when she had a dark skin tone but the
moment she turned fair, she was the most desired person anyone could think
of. This is the kind of ideology that is portrayed to small children and young
adults all over the world. Is this okay? No, it is not. Our youth is being taught to
live by the ideology of “white is better”. Instead of teaching us to love the
skin, we are born with, society is teaching us to change it. I have at least
seen one student who always gets bullied because of their darker
complexion and for what. How does your complexion determine anything
about the person or their personality in any way how? If we want change to
happen we have to stand up for it.
The concept of women is only useful in the house\kitchen (SEXISM).
Growing up as a girl I have heard comments like “you should learn
how to cook for your future” or “don‟t sit like that there are men in the house”
or “why are you walking like that, walk like a lady”. It saddens me that there
are thousands of girls in the world who have been pushed aside and are not been given a
chance for proper education and are sidelined as dumb just because they
are women. In India, the adult literacy rate (15years+) is 69.3% in which 78.8%
belongs to men and females is 59.3%. To the people who sidetrack women as
dumb or see them as objects who do household activities, then I‟m guessing
you don‟t know about:
1) Kalpana Chawla – She was the first woman of Indian origin to venture
into space as an astronaut.
2) Indira Gandhi – Indira Gandhi is to date, the only female prime minister
of India.
3) Mother Teresa – Even after so many decades her presence remains
like the lights of a star that can be seen years after it has fallen. She is
recognized as one of the most selfless beings in the world for her work in
uplifting the poor and for electing to live amongst them.
4) Mary Kom – She is an Indian Olympic boxer who has made waves in
international sports by becoming the world amateur boxing champion for
a record of six-year.
Now as you can see women can not only be great mothers and
protectors of their home but they can also be strong and successful
leaders who can compete right beside men meeting shoulders with their
head held up high in various fields.
The concept of Toxic Mascunality –
Men all around the world are taught to be strong and tough. Talking about
your feelings, being vulnerable, or even crying shows that the
man is weak hence making them less masculine right?
Wrong. In this society men, ‟s feelings are overlooked like their nothing.
They are taught to dismiss their feelings and told to act tough instead they
should be taught that their feelings are valid, they have every right to feel
whatever emotion they want. You are not being dramatic, you are not over
exaggerating. You are feeling and that‟s okay.
The concept of homophobia
A question that I‟ve always wondered is who assigned the color blue to
represent boys and the color pink to represent girls. How does a color
determine who I am?
Why did our society and its people think it’s ok to stop people from
expressing who they are? Why are boys made fun of when they wear a
pink shirt? The simplest answer I have received to this question believe it
or not is because it makes them „gay‟ and they tell it with such disgust.
What is disgusting about being gay or a part of the LBTQ+ community? Is it
the fact that they are some of the strongest people who even after being
pushed down multiple times never gave up for their rights or is it the fact
that they have grown to love and accept themselves. We are nobody to
judge others’ choices especially if it makes them happy without causing
anyone else harm in the process. We should teach our youth to love and
accept everyone no matter what their sexuality is. At the end of the day,
we are all humans. They deserved to be treated fairly just like any other
human on this planet.
After talking about some of the toxic traits of our society I‟d like to bring this
journey to an end. I know there will be some people who don‟t agree with the
points I have displayed here but at the end of the day we need to learn to open
our minds to learn new things and accept new facts. I hope to see a world in the
future where the society is a place where no women are frowned upon, where no
man is told to hide their feeling, where nobody is told to change themselves to fit
others perspectives, where no one feels judged and hated upon just because
they‟re being themselves.
To experience this kind of change we all have to work together and not against each other.
